Sep. 6--THE NEW airline fee du jour is a $5 surcharge levied by Delta on anyone who pays the $15 checked baggage charge at the airport instead of online.

Read that again and you'll figure it out.

You already pay $15 to check the first bag and $25 for a second if you fly on Delta.

Now, you pay extra if you pay at the check-in counter.

If you fly Air Canada and check three bags, you'll pay $80 for that third if you pay online, but $100 at the airport.

The majority of airlines now charge for drinks, snacks and meals, and some sell blankets and pillows. What's next? A fee for making eye contact with a Delta counter or gate attendant? A fee for claiming your luggage at the carousel? A surcharge for the pressurization of the cabin? Renting space in the overhead compartment? What gets my flying goat is the increasing number of airlines that charge extra -- and sometimes a lot extra -- fees for seat selection. Spirit Airlines, which calls itself an "Ultra Low Cost Carrier," has the most convoluted seat-choice scheme.

If you want a window or aisle leather seat, you'll pay $7 to reserve one.

A middle seat reserved in advance also will be $7.

But, I ask you, who would reserve a middle seat -- and pay for the privilege?

An emergency row advance seat reservation gives you lots more leg room, but would cost you $20.

And, Spirit Airlines also offers what it calls the "Big Front Seat."

For a sliding scale that starts at $35, passengers may reserve the 6-inch wider seat that also features six more inches of legroom.

The airlines say they add fees and extra charges so they can generate revenue and remain solvent. Well, dear airlines, we passengers also only have so many ways to generate revenue, and I have an idea. How about this? How about fees and surcharges imposed by passengers? How about reimbursement for every mile beyond the terminal we must park in those "economy" lots? How about a rebate when the escalators aren't working?

Or, how about a payout every time we're forced to change gates?

Maybe we could get some money back for every hour we must endure the kicking kid in the seat in back of us, or the screaming child in front of us.

Ryanair, the Irish no-frills airline, attempted and failed to impose a "fat tax" on heavier passengers and make its lavatories into pay toilets.

Ever imaginative, Ryanair is now considering offering short-hop, small-fare fl ights on which passengers would stand (leaning on a stool and strapped in) instead of sit.

I kid you not.

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